I haven’t spoken to many people about a lot of this, but I’ve learnt the only way to be able to help other people like me is to be completely transparent myself.

I left out some pretty significant things to try and keep it as to-the-point as possible but here’s the most of it:

– started training in the gym when I was 16 purely to make myself look better.
– basically got addicted to pre workouts, which back then contained amphetamines.
– got told by a doctor when I was 18 that I had depression and prescribed the anti-depressant Prozac.
– studied exercise science in Uni, failed 5 subjects and eventually dropped out to become a personal trainer.
– still taking pre-workout, sleeping and eating poorly, and partying.
– got even more depressed, doctor recommended higher dose of Prozac.
– in hindsight I think my depression was strongly affected by my use of pre-workouts.
– started personal training when I was 20 even though I was overweight, partying and getting sick all the time.
– quit taking anti-depressants cold turkey when I was 21 (don’t recommend), suffered terrible withdrawals and anxiety.
– got prescribed Valium for anxiety but chose not to take them and instead see a psychologist.
– started studying to become an online coach due to feeling burnt out from training 40-50 PT clients a week.
– saw a psychologist for over 4 years, starting with every week and gradually tapered to 6/weekly.
– gradually over that period worked on my mental and physical health through expanding my knowledge and improving habits.
– changed my business name to Muscle 4 Mind as I wanted my personal training to be more mental health focused to help people who felt similar to me.
– still had never spoken to more than a handful of people about any of this.
– changed my mindset around health from being all about ‘looking good’ to ‘feeling good’ after getting to a point where I looked pretty damn good, and felt no different.
– to this day still always working to improve and master mental and physical health, that’s a never ending journey in my opinion.
– decided to move to Bali to pursue online coaching as I felt like Muscle 4 Mind didn’t fit the gym based PT mould.
– finally completed Online Trainer course, a 3 month course that took me over 3 years.
– Now living a lifestyle that is healthy and sustainable, while also helping clients better than ever, but not without bad days too.

Why do I share this? Because I feel like I was let down by mainstream health information. I was let down by the mental health system. I struggled with stigma when I didn’t need to.

I don’t blame anyone, this was just due to my own ignorance. I simply didn’t know better. I also share this because I want people to know that it can be a long journey, and possibly lifelong.

But it get’s better, and it’s worth it. I also share it because I’ve put in work, and will keep doing so, because I believe our life is in our control. It’s played out in our mind, and we have the ability to change our minds. I share this because I want to help people, because I’ve been there, tried to do it alone and failed, and the help of others is the only reason I am where I am today.

So hopefully that helps you get to know a little bit more about me and my story. I love what I do, and I don’t say any of this for sympathy, only to hopefully help or inspire anyone else who might feel something similar.

If you are struggling, just know that that’s okay. If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone.

Stay healthy and happy,